You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize