I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
