I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
