My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize