I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
