on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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