yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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