To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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