thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
