Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
