That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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