I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
