i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
