If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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