God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
