There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
