you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
