i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
