I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
