Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
