Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So squirting runs in the family.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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