im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
