Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
