I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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