I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
