My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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