i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dignity is for republicans.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
