Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
