Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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