What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
