dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
