That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
