I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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