Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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