This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
