That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
