end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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