Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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