No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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