Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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