it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
