Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
