Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
