see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
