Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
