He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
