I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
