News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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