Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
