I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
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we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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