I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
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Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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