non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
