The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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