The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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