on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't deserve a penis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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