I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
