I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
well you can't waste a boner
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
