You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
