In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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