I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
