i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
