i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
