if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
