Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
