Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
