Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
