This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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