yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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