I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
