How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
