Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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