oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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