Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
