I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want to make out with him forever
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
