Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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