i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
