32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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