I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
