Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My bed smells like the plague
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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