i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
