giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
